daredtobelieve (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
daredtobelieve) wrote2015-06-28 12:16 pm
daredtobelieve) wrote2015-06-28 12:16 pm
{teleios} the words I cannot hope to say
[Hours before the new arrivals are due to appear in Teleios, Helen writes a note to the Doctor.]
Darling,
I'm uncertain if I want this letter to reach you or not, afraid what it might mean if it's discovered. But I don't know who else to turn to, what else to say except that I love you and I wish that you were here with me. Maybe things would start to make sense then. They certainly don't right now, and I fear they may not ever again.
I made a terrible mistake, Doctor. I thought I knew what I was doing. I'm finding that I don't know anything. I've lost you and without you here, I feel like I'm wandering the world without direction.
I miss you, darling. Terribly so. Each day, I find that I'm losing another part of myself. All I have left is my work and the unavoidable truth that I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. Knowing that I've ruined our chance at happiness, I can only hope that this will be worth it. At least then, I may be useful to someone, may give them a new chance at life.
If you're reading this, then I fear it means that my work has claimed my life once and for all. Please know that I have always and will always love you. I only wish I could have been stronger for you, for us. I regret each night that I could have spent in your arms but instead spent apart from you. And I only hope that you might remember me fondly, remember me as I was with you, because only then was I at my best.
I love you more than you could possibly know, Doctor.
Always,
Helen
[The note is folded and placed into the pocket of her lab coat. The intention is that if she does not survive, that it might be found and that someone might deliver the message to him on her behalf.]
Darling,
I'm uncertain if I want this letter to reach you or not, afraid what it might mean if it's discovered. But I don't know who else to turn to, what else to say except that I love you and I wish that you were here with me. Maybe things would start to make sense then. They certainly don't right now, and I fear they may not ever again.
I made a terrible mistake, Doctor. I thought I knew what I was doing. I'm finding that I don't know anything. I've lost you and without you here, I feel like I'm wandering the world without direction.
I miss you, darling. Terribly so. Each day, I find that I'm losing another part of myself. All I have left is my work and the unavoidable truth that I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. Knowing that I've ruined our chance at happiness, I can only hope that this will be worth it. At least then, I may be useful to someone, may give them a new chance at life.
If you're reading this, then I fear it means that my work has claimed my life once and for all. Please know that I have always and will always love you. I only wish I could have been stronger for you, for us. I regret each night that I could have spent in your arms but instead spent apart from you. And I only hope that you might remember me fondly, remember me as I was with you, because only then was I at my best.
I love you more than you could possibly know, Doctor.
Always,
Helen
[The note is folded and placed into the pocket of her lab coat. The intention is that if she does not survive, that it might be found and that someone might deliver the message to him on her behalf.]